


in my dreams i’m to blame

by buddiebuddie



Series: white house AU [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, President Evan Buckley, Special Agent Eddie Diaz, and i had no one beta this because i need instant gratification, and they’re in love, buck is the president, eddie is his secret service agent, even though we’re in quarantine nothing has changed for ya girl, no beta we die like men, so if you see a mistake it belongs to me myself and i, these big idiots make me so happy, tw shooting reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23323603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buddiebuddie/pseuds/buddiebuddie
Summary: “Well, the last guy clearly wasn’t a good shot. I’m not too worried.”Eddie throws his hands up in frustration. “God, you’re fucking infuriating! You know that, right? How can you be so calm about this when… when-”“When what?”“When you could have died!” Eddie all but yells.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: white house AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677313
Comments: 6
Kudos: 353





	in my dreams i’m to blame

**Author's Note:**

> this is part of the ~president buck/secret service agent eddie~ verse that originated with my story “you make me feel it” but it can stand alone! thanks for reading :)
> 
> tw for reference of a past shooting (not depicted)  
> title for this one is also from don’t take the money by bleachers & lorde because a bitch loves consistency

“I don’t want you here alone,” Eddie repeats, glancing up from where he’s switching off his earpiece and radio for the night. He pulls the small battery pack from his back pocket, placing it on Buck’s night stand. The white _Spec. Agent Diaz_ label on the backside of it is starting to peel off. He pushes it down with his thumb, running his knuckle over the tape absentmindedly as he waits for Buck’s response. 

It only took a few days after their post-shooting reconciliation for things to get back to normal. At least, their version of normal, which includes Eddie staying over at 1600 Penn anytime Christopher is with Shannon or Eddie’s mom. They’ve gotten the sneaking around down to a science. It’s all in the timing, lining their movements up with agent shift changes and perfectly-timed excuses. It’s a well-oiled machine at this point, the way Eddie is able to sneak in and out of the residence without raising suspicion. 

Buck rolls his eyes from where he’s sprawled across the bed on his stomach, scrolling on his phone. “You know as well as I do that there’s no such thing as alone in this job.”

“Buck,” Eddie begins. 

Buck cuts him off. “I’m a big boy, Eddie. I can handle myself while you’re on an 18-hour trip.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow, as if to say  _ really?  _ Instead, what he says is, “I should stay.” It’s been over a month since he was shot by a bullet meant for Buck, but the events of that day are as fresh in his mind as they were in the moments they were happening. And frankly, the thought of an 18-hour window where he’d be too far away to prevent another close call— or worse, a not-so-close-call— from happening? Well, it was as anxiety-inducing as they come. 

“Disagree,” Buck says, matter-of-fact. “You signed up to chaperone this trip months ago. Christopher is so excited that you’re going to be there. You need to go.” He thinks about his facetime with Chris and Eddie a few nights ago, when all Chris could talk about was how excited he was for his class overnight trip. Buck remembers the way Christopher’s eyes lit up when he mentioned his dad was going to chaperone. 

“Carla already said she would go,” Eddie says. “And there’ll be plenty of other trips I can go on. Christopher will understand.” It tears him up inside, the thought of letting Chris down. But the thought of possibly losing Buck was too much to bear. 

“Are you hearing yourself right now?” Buck almost laughs at how ridiculous Eddie is being. “Of course he’ll understand, but I’m telling you I’m fine and there’s no reason for you to miss it.”

“You know what people are capable of. Last month-”

“That was different and you know it,” Buck argues. “There’s no crazed gunman trying to kill me now. As far as I’m aware, anyway.”

“It doesn’t matter if there is or there’s not,” Eddie replies. “You can’t handle-”

“You’re gonna want to choose your next words carefully,” Buck cuts in, moving to sit up. “I can’t handle what?” 

Eddie sighs, clearly frustrated. “That’s not what I-” 

Buck just shakes his head, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and walking towards the door without another word. Eddie catches him just before he gets to the door, reaching out to grab his arm. 

“Baby, please.” 

Buck sighs, turning around to face him. “The Secret Service employs over one thousand special agents and uniformed officers in this building alone.” His voice is thick with frustration. “I think I’ll be a-ok in your absence. Seven hours of which I’ll spend in the White House, and eight of which I’ll spend asleep.” 

“You and I both know you haven’t gotten eight hours of sleep in years,” Eddie replies. “I’m not going.”

“You’re going,” Buck says. “And that’s an order.”

“Well, for one, you take security-related orders from me. Not the other way around.” Eddie shoots back. “And second, anything could happen at any time. And  _ yes _ , there are thousands of agents in the vicinity, and they’re very good at what they do. But you’re scheduled for your first public appearance since the shooting. And the fact of the matter is, I’m not going anywhere when you could be in danger. Absolutely not.”

“Well, the last guy clearly wasn’t a good shot. I’m not too worried.”

Eddie throws his hands up in frustration. “God, you’re fucking infuriating! You know that, right? How can you be so calm about this when… when-”

“When what?”

“When you could have died!” Eddie all but yells. “I… I hear those shots in my mind still. Some nights when I’m trying to fall asleep, it’s all I can hear. A second later and you would’ve been hit, not me. And I’m trying, I swear I am, but I don’t think I’m ever going to be over it.” His voice has softened, now just barely louder than a whisper.

Buck stops, taking a beat. Eddie’s eyes are wet as he chews on his lip, waiting for Buck’s response. “I don’t want to be the guy who could’ve died,” Buck replies. “I don’t want you dropping your life to be here protecting mine. I just… I just want things to go back to the way they were. I want you to trust me.” 

“I do trust you. I love you,” Eddie says, and Buck takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. It takes everything in him not to melt into a puddle on the floor every time he hears those three little words cross Eddie’s lips. It’ll never get old— no matter how many times he’s heard it, those butterflies in his gut kick up each time, flapping up a storm and sending a warm rush of adoration through his veins each time. “But this isn’t about trust. It’s the opportunity for something or someone to slip through the cracks and me not being here to stop it that scares me.”

“Someone else can stop it,” Buck says, reaching out and placing a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. He squeezes it reassuringly. “Hen can stop it. Bobby. Chim.” Eddie takes a long, shaky breath. Buck isn’t wrong. Eddie knows his team is incredible at what they do. He trusts them with everything he has— what he doesn’t trust are the crazed lunatics of the world who want to hurt the president. 

Buck continues, bringing his hands to rest on Eddie’s hips. “Eddie, you cannot let this get in the way of your life outside these walls. It’s no way for us to live. Your duties as a parent are just as important as your duties here.”

Eddie nods. He knows Buck is right, even if fighting the instinct telling him to protect the man he loves feels wrong.  Slowly, he nods. “Yeah, okay. Okay, I’m gonna go.”

“I’m in good hands,” Buck says, resting his forehead against Eddie’s. “I like it best when it’s your hands, too, but not if it comes at the expense of your family life.” 

Eddie takes a deep breath, relaxing for the first time all day. “You’re right.” 

“But speaking of your hands,” Buck murmurs. He drops a kiss to Eddie’s nose, then his jaw, finally his lips. “I can think of a few uses for them.”

Eddie bites back a moan as Buck’s lips land on his neck, nipping at his pulse point before running his tongue over the mark. Eddie’s breath hitches in his throat, his eyes screwing shut as he leans into Buck’s touch. He’s so, so gone. Buck mumbles something incoherent into the hollow of Eddie’s neck, warm breath ghosting over the sensitive skin as he presses a trail of kisses across his collarbone. And then Eddie’s grabbing the side of Buck’s neck and pulling him up, their lips meeting as Eddie surges forward. 

Buck’s hands start to roam, making their way to Eddie’s belt buckle just as Eddie places a hand to the wall, steadying himself as he backs Buck up against the wallpaper. Between heavy kisses, Buck whispers, “I love you, Special Agent Diaz.”

“I know,” Eddie breathes, brushing his thumb over Buck’s bottom lip. “I love you, too, Mr. President.”


End file.
